The Guinness Way...

Naturally as one pursues Gordon's String Theory, the

Our 'hood, The Milky Way

subject of our own tiny galactic corner of the universe  is bound to come up. Where did it come from, what is it tied to, why don't we just float away or go spinning off into oblivion? Indeed, the very word 'galaxy' refers specifically to our galaxy, the Milky Way, so it's not as if nobody's thought about it before. Pondering this very subject one damp day,  it was with great surprise that I stumbled across what appeared to be a crude model of our galaxy, possibly a child's toy, while walking down a road in Dingle on the west coast of Ireland. Some might  think it was just a mish-mashed ball of various strings, but that, of course, is the very meat and potatoes of GST, although more potatoes than meat in Ireland, it goes without saying. And very fine potatoes, too. But I digress...why would I suspect this was a  toy or model? An excellent question, and one that goes to the very heart of an Irish education. Note the apparent location: on the roadside, by a stone wall. Yes, you are all thinking 'Could there have been a hedge school here?' Well there could have been, but probably not in the 21st century, although it is true that for the better part of several centuries the famous 'hedge schools' of Ireland offered the only way for poor Catholic children to receive an education, and they did indeed receive excellent educations - in the classics, mathematics and in the reading and writing of 

Mish-mashed ball of string? Or...?

Irish, amongst other subjects - from impoverished Catholic schoolmasters who, in spite of their learning, were not welcome in the anglicized  'official' school system. So if we could find children learning Greek and Latin and mathematics in the shadow of a wall or hedge, why not a model of our own galaxy cleverly made of a ball of string? Yes I can hear the eyeballs rolling (he's really off his rocker this time!)! But let us look more closely. Our Galaxy is known as a barred spiral galaxy, meaning that it contains a central structure that has the visible appearance of a bar emanating light, created by billions of clustered stars along a central axis (see above photo, for example). Astronomers theorize that the bar is like an energy generator where new stars are born. Well I don't know about you, but that sounds to me like a very promising galaxy to live in! Indeed, according to my extensive scientific research in weighty volumes such as Wikipedia: '...Bars are thought to be a temporary phenomenon in the life of spiral galaxies, the bar structure decaying over time, transforming the galaxy from a barred spiral to a "regular" spiral pattern. Past a certain size the accumulated mass of the bar compromises the stability of the overall bar structure (we've all been there, eh?-GT). Barred spiral galaxies with high mass accumulated in their center tend to have short, stubby bars. Since so many spiral galaxies have a bar structure, it is likely that it is a recurring phenomenon in spiral galaxy development. The oscillating evolutionary cycle from spiral galaxy to barred spiral galaxy is thought to take on the average about two billion years. Recent studies have confirmed the idea that bars are a sign of galaxies reaching full maturity as the "formative years" end. A team at the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena discovered that only 20 percent of the spiral galaxies in the distant past possessed bars, compared with nearly 70 percent of their modern counterparts…'. Now that's what I call teamwork!

Looking a little more closely...is that a bar?

I will let you digest the implications of the above, but certainly if you have been looking at other spiral galaxies with thoughts of tying one on, make sure you pay attention to the '70 percent' detail. For G-String Theorists, however, the very existence of so many bars in the universe alleviates one of the central concerns of GST: where to get a decent beer on those long research rocket rides. But back to our ball of string - why think it is anything other than a ball of string? Again,  observation and a magnifying glass are all you really need to educate yourself in this world, my friends. And so it is, with a little poking and prodding and untangling, that we discover that our string model of the Milky Way does indeed possess a bar structure! Not a short, stubby one either (stubbies always were a Canadian phenomenon), more of a tall, rectangular one. Needless to say, having discovered this fine establishment at the heart of our model Milky Way, I did four things:

O'Flaherty's in Dingle, an excellent bar in our fine Galaxy.

I squeezed in, I quaffed a pint or two of Guinness, I began an inspired and no doubt rivetting lecture to everyone in attendance about Gordon's String Theory, and minutes afterwards remembered to take a photo. Unfortunately, all the musicians and clientele suddenly seemed to have recalled prior engagements, but nevertheless, here is proof of an excellent bar structure in our Milky Way string ball. The real thing can be found, surprisingly, about twenty yards along the very road I was walking on. Which I believe should be renamed the Guinness Way in honour of this very excellent discovery. And here's to hedge schools, too, while we're at it! Oh yes! Happy St.Paddy's Day to all..! And I'll have one more for the road, barkeep.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=219DbYyeA7g