The Long and the Short of It...

One of the tantalizing, unanswered questions in GST is: 'Why are some strings

A classic nursery of Long Strings

long and others short?' My own research has turned up some interesting clues...for example, I've observed that long strings are often only attached to something at one end, while short strings are frequently attached at both ends. My hypothesis is that long strings are the young of the string world, still seeking some aspect of the cosmos to which to become attached, while short strings are older and have accomplished their goals of attachment. Or, to put it another way, short strings were once long strings; indeed, if one were to assemble numerous similar short strings, one might very well have a long string! We cannot guess at this point how many Original Long Strings might still remain in the universe, although it has been suggested that the universe as we know it began as One Big Ball of String. Some scientists have pointed out that there are just too many kinds of string for the Big Ball theory, that we now live in a multi-string universe, although this does not preclude the possibility that at one time there were many uni-string universes that are now all intermixed. This is sometimes referred to as the 'Lots of Balls' theory. Short strings are often thought of as the 'working strings' of the universe. They generally have clear purposes, and although the elements of the universe that they tie together are frequently commonplace, the mind shudders to consider the consequences if those

A typical Short String holds this ferry together

elements were allowed to separate and wander off willy-nilly! Research into Long and Short theories is sometimes complicated by the apparent co-existence of short and long strings in close proximity, although this does support the concept that short strings are possibly fragments of primordial long strings. How, for example, does a long string become multiple short strings? And why do we note that whereas there may be only one or two long strings in a group, there are often numerous short strings of varying thicknesses, colours, strands and composition - where are the original long strings from which they were derived? Although studies are ongoing and inconclusive, research suggests that a great deal of string shortening occurs near bodies of water. Given that the universe is about 80% water, this is not surprising; however, the relative proportion of Long String to Short String near water is revealing: for every 100 metres of Long String, there are 1729.3 kilometres of Short String!*

Is this the environment in which Long Strings become Short?

As the surface of the earth demonstrates approximately the same proportion of water as the rest of the universe, we can begin to see virtue in the possibility that string in general is plentiful near water because water is the medium by which the universe could float away, and it is string that ultimately prevents that by tying the more solid parts of our universe together, especially near water! Perhaps it is no accident that the word denoting the major structural component of a string - a 'strand' - also means 'beach'. Think about it!

* source unknown. I might have made those numbers up. Nobody said this was an exact science, so chill, eh?

Bill Gates and Gordon's String Theory...

A Bill Gate*, Inishmore, 21st C.

Well, one fine afternoon high on the rock road of Inishmore, I stood pondering the structure in the photo to the right. Its function appeared obvious: it was designed to keep some stones more or less lined up across the intervening space which it occupied...but why? As I pondered, an old fellow wandered along on his bicycle and stopped to ponder me. After a few minutes, he asked,  'And are yez enjoyin the day like?', to which I replied in the affirmative, to which he then inquired, 'And would yez be from America?', to which I replied in the negative, adding 'Canada'. 'Ah', he said, 'Dat would explain it, den'. Curious, I asked 'Explain what?' 'Why the fields, to be sure. You Canadians are the very divil for the fields. I saw a picture of a field in the county of Saskatchewan that must have been twice the size of all of Ireland, and I hear that was a small one, and there were a hundred thousand more that were twice that size, with herds of buffalo roaming about in them'. 'Something like that', I conceded, and then asked about the curious structure made of rope and wood. 'Who do you think built such a thing, and why?' 'Well, to be sure, I built it myself, didn't I?  To keep the cow in the field'. 'But there is no cow in the field'. 'Well, no, the cow has been let into another field this week'. It turned out that my interlocutor's name was Bill, and he had built this particular structure

Sophisticated rustification of geosphere and biosphere

and many more similar ones in the area. 'And what would you call this structure, Bill?' 'Well, I would call it a gate, but you Canadians may call it something else, to be sure'. Bill demonstrated how, with a simple hoisting of the outer wooden bar, the inner part of the structure could be pushed inwards and flattened, to allow passage in or out of the field, then the gate flipped back up and secured. Ingenious! I mentioned that I had seen many variations on enclosing structures around the country side, but this form seemed unique in its simplicity. "I think I will call them Bill Gates in my notes, in your honour if that's alright with you?' 'And why not? It's as good a name as any at all, is it not?' So, having established that detail of nomenclature, I began to explain to Bill the rudiments of Gordon's String Theory, within the context of which I would be considering the function of Bill Gates and associated fields as macro/ microcosmic colonies of enclosure,containment, exclusion, signified

The simple 4-bar with diagonal

The elegant double-knot horizontal

passage ways and controlled egress and exit, not to mention their possible  affiliations with bar structures, mathematical fields and their relationship to theories of the layered universe. Indeed, within this simple organization of space, loosely tied together, exist formal elements of the geosphere, the biosphere and the noosphere. Unfortunately, Bill suddenly remembered he'd been on his way to his sister's for supper and alas was already a bit late. So I will share with you a few more examples of Bill Gates and allow you too to continue admiring  their amazing string and wood elegance at your leisure, and of course, perhaps draw your own conclusions about their function in GST.

 *Please note that the term 'Bill Gate' is only used in GST - local nomenclature for this structural form may differ widely depending on location and common historical usage, and may not have been built by anyone named Bill…in fact, Bill himself may have been a figment of my imagination, brought on by too much exposure to wind, sun, rain and Guinness...

The Guinness Way...

Naturally as one pursues Gordon's String Theory, the

Our 'hood, The Milky Way

subject of our own tiny galactic corner of the universe  is bound to come up. Where did it come from, what is it tied to, why don't we just float away or go spinning off into oblivion? Indeed, the very word 'galaxy' refers specifically to our galaxy, the Milky Way, so it's not as if nobody's thought about it before. Pondering this very subject one damp day,  it was with great surprise that I stumbled across what appeared to be a crude model of our galaxy, possibly a child's toy, while walking down a road in Dingle on the west coast of Ireland. Some might  think it was just a mish-mashed ball of various strings, but that, of course, is the very meat and potatoes of GST, although more potatoes than meat in Ireland, it goes without saying. And very fine potatoes, too. But I digress...why would I suspect this was a  toy or model? An excellent question, and one that goes to the very heart of an Irish education. Note the apparent location: on the roadside, by a stone wall. Yes, you are all thinking 'Could there have been a hedge school here?' Well there could have been, but probably not in the 21st century, although it is true that for the better part of several centuries the famous 'hedge schools' of Ireland offered the only way for poor Catholic children to receive an education, and they did indeed receive excellent educations - in the classics, mathematics and in the reading and writing of 

Mish-mashed ball of string? Or...?

Irish, amongst other subjects - from impoverished Catholic schoolmasters who, in spite of their learning, were not welcome in the anglicized  'official' school system. So if we could find children learning Greek and Latin and mathematics in the shadow of a wall or hedge, why not a model of our own galaxy cleverly made of a ball of string? Yes I can hear the eyeballs rolling (he's really off his rocker this time!)! But let us look more closely. Our Galaxy is known as a barred spiral galaxy, meaning that it contains a central structure that has the visible appearance of a bar emanating light, created by billions of clustered stars along a central axis (see above photo, for example). Astronomers theorize that the bar is like an energy generator where new stars are born. Well I don't know about you, but that sounds to me like a very promising galaxy to live in! Indeed, according to my extensive scientific research in weighty volumes such as Wikipedia: '...Bars are thought to be a temporary phenomenon in the life of spiral galaxies, the bar structure decaying over time, transforming the galaxy from a barred spiral to a "regular" spiral pattern. Past a certain size the accumulated mass of the bar compromises the stability of the overall bar structure (we've all been there, eh?-GT). Barred spiral galaxies with high mass accumulated in their center tend to have short, stubby bars. Since so many spiral galaxies have a bar structure, it is likely that it is a recurring phenomenon in spiral galaxy development. The oscillating evolutionary cycle from spiral galaxy to barred spiral galaxy is thought to take on the average about two billion years. Recent studies have confirmed the idea that bars are a sign of galaxies reaching full maturity as the "formative years" end. A team at the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena discovered that only 20 percent of the spiral galaxies in the distant past possessed bars, compared with nearly 70 percent of their modern counterparts…'. Now that's what I call teamwork!

Looking a little more closely...is that a bar?

I will let you digest the implications of the above, but certainly if you have been looking at other spiral galaxies with thoughts of tying one on, make sure you pay attention to the '70 percent' detail. For G-String Theorists, however, the very existence of so many bars in the universe alleviates one of the central concerns of GST: where to get a decent beer on those long research rocket rides. But back to our ball of string - why think it is anything other than a ball of string? Again,  observation and a magnifying glass are all you really need to educate yourself in this world, my friends. And so it is, with a little poking and prodding and untangling, that we discover that our string model of the Milky Way does indeed possess a bar structure! Not a short, stubby one either (stubbies always were a Canadian phenomenon), more of a tall, rectangular one. Needless to say, having discovered this fine establishment at the heart of our model Milky Way, I did four things:

O'Flaherty's in Dingle, an excellent bar in our fine Galaxy.

I squeezed in, I quaffed a pint or two of Guinness, I began an inspired and no doubt rivetting lecture to everyone in attendance about Gordon's String Theory, and minutes afterwards remembered to take a photo. Unfortunately, all the musicians and clientele suddenly seemed to have recalled prior engagements, but nevertheless, here is proof of an excellent bar structure in our Milky Way string ball. The real thing can be found, surprisingly, about twenty yards along the very road I was walking on. Which I believe should be renamed the Guinness Way in honour of this very excellent discovery. And here's to hedge schools, too, while we're at it! Oh yes! Happy St.Paddy's Day to all..! And I'll have one more for the road, barkeep.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=219DbYyeA7g

How Does GST Work...?

A very good question, indeed. In order for the universe to be

A String Terminal Depot somewhere in Newfoundland

loosely tied together, it follows that each part must also be loosely tied together, and there must be some process(es)* for accomplishing this. As is frequently the case, a little walking around, empirical observation and intelligent deduction will get you further than googling GST on your gadgets. For example, what might one deduce from observing the information in the photograph on the right? Most casual observers might see a cluttered 'dock' in a small fishing village in Newfoundland, but to the G-String Theorist, this is your classic String Terminal Depot (STD). A vehicle is loading string and various objects that require being loosely tied together and delivered to some part of the universe. To date, no one has actually seen this process in action, but clues as to its mechanics can be found for those willing to look for them. The sharp-eyed observer will note that the String Transportation Device (STD, not to be confused with the String Terminal Depot, also an STD), locally codified as "jist a friggin boat, b'y!",  is clearly pointing east, so let's follow our noses...and yes, we soon discover where it was heading: a cow pasture in Ireland (below)! Skeptics may say we're stretching it a bit, except for this

'a poil of feckin labster traps'? or a Greater Cosmic Mystery?

tantalizing fact: the items in the cow pasture would normally be associated with the ocean (a local signifier signified these objects as "jist a poil of feckin labster traps, yiz bleedin' idjit!"), but the pasture is not even within sight of an ocean! Also, note the cow, an important clue to 'pasture'. How and why this is a necessary element of GST remains a mystery. The process, however, may be demystified by further observations. For example, note the planar structures leaning against the stone wall of the pasture. These structures are commonly found in this part of Ireland, often being utilized as moveable elements attached with string to similar stone walls, and apparently integral to the function of the walls. Further discussion of these unique and fascinating features of GST will be pursued in a future chapter. For the time being, we can theorize that Newfoundland and Ireland have some particular cosmic reason for being loosely tied together. We hope that further research, perhaps in my laboratory in the Yellow Belly Brewery in St. John's (or my satellite labs in Shamrock City and Fiddlers) will yield some clues as to the function of this connection within the overall workings of the cosmos. One hesitates to conjure up A Greater Intelligence, or A Grand Design, but something is clearly at work here that may be beyond our comprehension.

* I will occasionally use parentheses to add additional but otherwise useless punctuation, letters or other information to words or phrases to signify that I am a post-structuralist intellectual. If this bothers you, then you may be suffering from Late Modernism. See your doctor, if you have money and/or time to waste, or come to my local laboratory with a bottle of Islay single malt (any of them), and I will give you a free consultation regarding your unfortunate affliction. 

Orcadian Perspectives...

'The Mystic Muck Pile', a magnificent example of GST, Orkney, early 21st C.

One day when I happened to fly to Orkney and was walking about there, I thought I might pop over to one of the smaller islands that's only accessible by foot at low tide. It being a popular little destination, the Orcadians (no relation to the Orcs, or at best a fairly distant one) had built a concrete walkway over to the island to prevent tourists from being swept away to a watery grave if the tide were to come rushing in ferociously when they were only half way across. It's a dramatic place, Orkney is. The only problem with the walkway is that it is only crossable at low tide; otherwise you risk being swept away to a watery grave when the tide rushes in ferociously.

The Mystic Mountain Nebula, courtesy of NASA

The walkway over to The Brough of Birsay, tide rushing in ferociously....

I arrived just in time to see the tide rushing in ferociously. That was close, I thought. So I was reduced to poking about on shore, where I came across the above magnificent example of Gordon's String Theory (GST). It reminded me of something, other than the obvious collision between several barbecues and a large ball of multi-coloured rope...The sharp-sighted amongst you - and possibly the near-sighted as well - will see immediately that it resembles, eerily you might say, the nebula known as The Mystic Mountain. The literature describing this extraordinary structure in space compares it to something in a JRR Tolkien novel (did I mention Orcs?) Relative to my GST example, it is quite large (about 3 light years tall compared to 3 feet). But other surprises were to follow...as one circumnavigates* the remarkable  Mystic Muck Pile of Orkney, other perspectives emerge.

Modernish Newfoundland, with TCH**

Another perspective...!!

Indeed, it may not be a reference to some far-off nebulous nebula at all, it's possibly an early map of Newfoundland, complete with the Grand Banks, and even the TCH** in red! Those clever Orcadians!...well, except for the low tide walkway, which we won't mention again***. Note how the mountainous regions, aka the barrens, are depicted in a sublim(ish) blue...The purpose of this is unknown, although it is pretty, considering that the only Newfoundlanders who live there are colourblind moose. I believe it would be not too presumptuous to hazard that if one were to stand on one's head at this point at certain times of the year (to achieve the necessary perspective), one might be able to actually see Newfoundland. So far this has been neither proved nor disproved; considerable further research is required (did I mention Orkney Black Ale? Also worth considerable research!). Not far down the same coast - well, in Ireland, actually - there are places where it is possible to see mirages of Brazil, so why not Newfoundland from Orkney? I will leave you to ponder that.

* a fancy word that means to travel around something.

** Trans-Canada Highway, always referred to in Newfoundland as the TCH.
*** Okay, we will mention it again, as it is, in fact, a brilliant contemporary solution for transporting goods and people to and from the small island called The Brough of Birsay. The island is home to extensive remains of Norse settlement which had a major church, probably a monastery, and a complex of buildings that are thought to have been the headquarters of Earl Thorfinn (c.1005-1065), who ruled much of northern Scotland and the Western Isles in the 11th Century.  Beyond the settlement the island rises to sea cliffs atop of which is the Brough Lighthouse, built in 1925 and converted to solar power in 2001. Given that the Norse Vikings were also visiting Newfoundland about the same time as the Earl ruled in Orkney, it is not surprising that they would have left a map lying on the beach, albeit cleverly disguised as a pile of pillage.

A Fine Example...

A complex rope-and-chain example of unknown structural purpose, late 20th C?

Indeed, a very fine and complex example of  Gordon's String Theory (also known in my research as GST, not to be confused with an odious tax of the same name)...Although technically not string, but rather 'rope' and 'chain', this example displays some of the intricacies found in GST structures. Note for example the clever reorganization of the rope structure so that it doubles back on itself to create a 'loop'. This so-called 'splice' is actually a complex 'knot', without the inherent weaknesses of a typical knot. It is probable that this loop was or could be attached to some aspect of the cosmos, and/or has become temporarily or permanently unattached. It is also interesting to note that the rope is still attached to the chain, which disappears into the earth nearby, and may be attached to the iron core of our planet from which it was fashioned. The inherent strength of this arrangement suggests a major function in local GST dynamics, the exact nature of which remains unknown at this time. The study of loops and knots in GST has lead to sub-theories known as 'loopy GST' and 'knotty GST'.

GVRD Park Boundary marker, late 20thC?

A clue to the function of this example may be related to a nearby post which displays a GVRD Park Boundary marker. GVRD identifies this location as being within the Greater Vancouver Regional District. There is some research that suggests that 'Greater' Vancouver is an overblown description (as in 'greater than what'?) for a large (but not particularly 'great') Canadian village which had an unfortunate reputation for being only tenuously connected to any identifiable planet, let alone a universe. Indeed, its location west of the so-called Great Divide has lead some scholars to suggest that the Great Divide in question was that between Reality and Fantasy. The discovery nearby of a large sign pointing to 'Fantasy Gardens' supports this thesis. Note too the synthetic pink string attached to the post but seemingly not attached to anything else. Some scholars have postulated that this string may have been attached to a form of temporary human satellite known as a 'balloon', apparently popular with the frequenters of parks, again for reasons unknown at this time.

Gordon's String Theory (GST)...

The Muckle Chuckle, Orkney, early 21st C.

As I wander about looking at stuff, I've noticed that there is a lot of string, of various thicknesses, tying assorted items together, or sometimes just lying around, often without any apparent purpose. After immense deliberation, I've developed what I call Gordon's String Theory (not to be confused with The Gordian Knot), which goes like this, basically: Our Universe, as we know it, is loosely tied together. That is why it has not simply disappeared into outer space. I will present irrefutable evidence of this in photographic form as frequently as possible...so visit often - and if you feel somewhat separated from your universe, make sure you tie one on soon, eh?